Tlisted here was a thing very liberating about remaining requested to go to the Baftas as someone who isn’t, precisely, a film journalist. “Just go and have enjoyable!”, my editor informed me. So, as with everyone not a component of The Favorite or Roma, there was generally no issue in my becoming there. But I also knew that there would be foodstuff, and Cate Blanchett, so I reported indeed. Which is how I observed myself getting dolled up on Sunday night and rocking up at the Royal Albert Hall.
Appear, here’s the thing. I did not indicate to crash Timothée Chalamet on the purple carpet. I did not time it that way. It just happened. The way tequila pictures and snogs with your greatest mate do, apart from this had a large amount a lot more screaming. The a single solid point I can report is that Chalamet has a lot of lovers, and most of them have a much better selection than Mariah Carey. They are also really energetic on social media, as I would find out later, after having a image of him at the put up-awards evening meal, tweeting it, and swiftly staying adopted by an account known as Timothée Chalamet’s Hair. I briefly lingered to observe him sign autographs and pose for selfies, prior to a girl holding a indication with “MARGOT ROBBIE” on it – a actually perfunctory signal, like she was picking her up from the airport – yelled at me for the reason that I was not Margot Robbie.
What can I tell you about staying in the room at the Baftas? What can I explain to you about what is not on the tv? Typically that they explain to you all of the things you should not say or do for the reason that of what will be on the tv. For people of us just there on a jolly (me, but also everyone who wasn’t Olivia Colman in Colman’s classification), that meant no filming to protect broadcasting legal rights, and for the possible winners: they need to not point out on phase that there was a COUNTDOWN CLOCK (that was how it was essentially explained) to make sure their speeches did not overrun.
I typically napped my way by way of this little bit – the invigilators banging on prior to the test – but perked up when I noticed Brian May perhaps who, with the best hair in rock, was impossible not to location, and could make a tidy return on a aspect-hustle top tours or museum teams should he ever have to have to. Thankfully, I was sitting down with the Every day Mail’s gossip columnist, Baz Bamigboye, who offered me Fruit Pastilles. “It’s superior to have the sugar boost”, he informed me.
It is bizarre actually, is not it? Below was a place comprehensive of the most effective creating expertise in the nation and Bafta couldn’t uncover any person to compose a single good joke for the host, Joanna Lumley. It is odd far too that Lumley, one of the finest comedian actors we have, butchered every line like she was a serial killer in a smaller German city and we’re just now, many years later, acquiring out about it on a Channel 5 documentary at 3am. At 1 issue, Lumley produced a gag about Claire Foy maybe winning for her position in the moon-landing flick, Initial Guy, and owning to make a “giant leap” on to the phase. I was just eager someone to heckle Shame THERE Isn’t A Yard BRIDGE. There was a further joke Lumley did about “the costume she’d bought herself into” which, apart from being objectively terrible, did not do the job, due to the fact she was donning … a suit.
It is hard, since I never like remaining mean, but I also believe after this functionality that the Oscars must count by themselves fortunate that they basically do not have a host. The room was extremely a great deal in settlement on this. At this place I was very stressed, since of the terrible jokes, and also since Cate Blanchett had dyed her usually blond hair brown, which was building it tricky for me to decide her out from the second tier.
But superior issues were being occurring! The Favourite and Roma were being cleaning up. The superb Mahershala Ali received greatest supporting actor. My nemesis, Margot Robbie, introduced an award, and then from my vantage level, I watched her get a little bit misplaced in the crowds, then stutter in her tries to stroll back in entrance of folks, like waiting around endlessly for tourists to get their pic of Big Ben. I viewed Rachel Weisz, dressed like an remarkable tulle and chiffon swan, swivel in her seat and whisper to Spike Lee, dressed like a blueberry, but pulling it off mainly because he is Spike Lee. Rami Malek won for Bohemian Rhapsody and thanked Dexter Fletcher, and not Bryan Singer. No one, for the complete evening, pointed out Liam Neeson. Deborah Davis of The Favourite, who co-received for finest initial screenplay, gave her speech: “Thank you for my initially ever Bafta, for my to start with ever screenplay.” Which is the most beautiful way of expressing: “FIRST TIME, DICKHEADS.”
I guess I hadn’t genuinely assumed about how we were all likely to be transported to Grosvenor Household, where by the awards meal and afterparty had been held. I just understood there was transportation. The transport turned out to be a fleet of coaches, which seems logical, given the amount of individuals, but also, it certainly felt like waiting in a car park to get started the journey to engage in Burnley absent. I believed about Cate Blanchett.
The supper having said that, was wherever it’s at. Tables crammed together, it was like currently being submerged in a ball pit, except that one ball is Salma Hayek and that ball about there is Glenn Near and that ball about there is Bradley Cooper and that ball is Rachel Weisz currently being shielded by another ball that is Daniel Craig. I brushed past the broom-width shoulders of Joseph Fiennes who, thanks to The Handmaid’s Tale, I now search upon with intense terror and disgust.
I weighed up what color I would explain Valentino as, while he sat in deep discussion with Tamara Beckwith. Beckwith and I go way again, by the way. Especially to a couple months in the past, when we ended up both of those late for the theatre and waited in the wings alongside one another for five minutes carrying out polite solidarity smiles to just about every other and performative eyerolls. I was reunited with Timothée Chalamet. I noticed Taylor Swift and practically tripped more than (appear what you created me do). Everyone ate salmon and drank Taittinger champagne. The champagne was incredible. The salmon was Ok.
A helpful girl arrived up to me in the loo and instructed me she appreciated my journalism and I wondered if there was any way I could relay this to the girl on the red carpet who had yelled at me for not getting Margot Robbie. People today walked by keeping clutch baggage, but also polystyrene bunnies nicked from the tables, some of which were being themed after The Favorite. The communicate was all of the Netflix bash at the Chiltern Firehouse. Other individuals talked of going to Annabel’s in Mayfair. I went to the ballroom and drank cocktails the color of an illness. I was flagging. I toyed with calling an Uber house. I made a decision to get the night bus. It was a 55-moment journey. I thought about Cate Blanchett.